As a parent, the needs of our children and families often come before our own. This is especially true for parents raising children with special needs or a disability. But one thing I’ve come to realize and that medical professionals agree on too is how crucial self-care is for parents who want to be able to take care of their children effectively.
While being the caregiver takes up a lot of time, not taking care of yourself is a disservice to your child. By consciously taking time off for self-care, you discover ways of managing stress, pressure, and overcoming life’s obstacles. Most importantly, it’s a way of creating powerful teachable moments by exposing your kids to the benefits of self-care on your mental and physical wellbeing.
Make Self-Care a Routine
Carving out time for yourself can seem selfish when you have a child who needs care round the clock. In a society that places extreme value on being overworked and constantly busy, it’s easy to understand why it might feel like you always need to be there doing everything even when you don’t have to.
I’ve seen moms who still want to do as much as they can for the children even when they have an extra caregiver to relieve them of some duties. Understandably, every parent wants the best for their child and believes only they can give it. However, it’s impossible to give your best when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed, which makes self-care all the more important.
Yet, society continues to falsely condition parents to believe that the only way they can be there for their family is to sacrifice their time, life, and even dreams. Because of this notion, many parents believe that doing for themselves means not doing for their kids. This can’t be further from the truth!
Self-care is Tactical Parenting
There’s no disputing that stress management is at the core of successful and tactical parenting. Yet, only a fraction of parents take the time to learn what stresses them and how to manage it. The truth is understanding what it takes to get you stressed gives you the ability to choose what action to take to counter tension and anxiety.
Hitting the gym or taking a walk to decompress is not selfish. Meditating to clear your mind or taking a day off to visit the spa is not selfish. Meeting with friends, chatting, or attending that neighborhood book club every once in a while, is not selfish.
If doing one thing or the other helps you rejuvenate physically, mentally, or emotionally, make it a regular on your to-do list. When you learn to carve out the time to elevate your spirit and existence, you become more patient and loving and you have the energy to take care of your child even better.
Every Child Wants and Deserves a Happy parent
In April 2020, the Journal of Family Psychology published a study that concluded that parents who suppress feelings of stress and overwhelm around their kids transmit those feelings to the children. According to the study, children often have a physical response when parents try to hide their emotions.
For ages, there has been suspicion that kids can read their parents’ feelings and emotions. Now, science has shown that these feelings and emotions can be shared with children. If you’re exhausted, tense, or cranky, your child notices it and if you’re keen, their behavior and emotions can change too.
Similarly, if you’re happy, content, relaxed, and energized, kids, can pick up on it too. As a tactical parent, this shows just how important it is for you to be at your absolute best as your state also affects your children’s state.
How to Take Care of Yourself
The good news is there are tons of ways you can practice self-care without feeling like you’re neglecting your child. There are even some self-care routines that you can practice with your child to give you a sense of availability in case your child needs you at a moment’s notice.
Not only will self-care increase your energy, give you a sense of fulfillment, and calm you, it also has medical benefits like lowering blood pressure, combatting stress, and diminishing depression. The more rejuvenated you are, the more energy you’ll have to take care of your loved one.
Here are some activities you can pursue to improve your well-being and raise your vibrations.
Take Up a Hobby
In a fast-paced world where there’s always a responsibility waiting on you as a parent, taking up a hobby for pleasure is one of the best things you can be for yourself and those around you. Pursuing something you’re passionate about takes your mind of life’s responsibilities and triggers the release of feel-good hormones that raise your moods.
Remember to consciously focus on your hobby and avoid distractions for a set period of time to get the most out of it.
Exercise Regularly
Multiple medical studies have proven that exercise improves moods by stimulating chemicals in the brain that make you feel happy and relaxed. In turn, these chemical releases in the brain also lift you emotionally, reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep, and boost your energy.
Of all self-care routines, exercise is arguably the most beneficial. Other than the emotional and mental gains that come with burning calories, there are also tons of health gains. These include:
- Helping with weight management
- Reduce chances of contracting cardiovascular and lifestyle diseases
- Strengthens your bones and muscles
- Improves chances of living longer
Exercise doesn’t have to be cumbersome and sweaty. You don’t even have to leave the house or buy expensive equipment if you take up exercises such as HIIT and Pilates! Walking, hiking, and cycling regularly to blow off some steam and burn calories can also be a form of self-care and exercise.
Meditate
One of my favorite self-care routines, meditation is an excellent tool to help you slow down and be in the present. It helps you embrace and be grateful for what you have and teaches you to stop trying to fix external circumstances.
If you have a string of thoughts and beliefs that constantly drain you emotionally, meditation is an excellent way to uplift your moods and emotions. Best of all, you can meditate anywhere in your home as long as you can find a room with some peace and quiet, even for up to 10 minutes.
And with so many meditation resources online and on apps, it’s something you can do on your own in the comfort of your home. It’s especially more important for parents raising children with special needs to learn how to let go, relax control, and slow down.
Seek Support
As mentioned at the beginning of this article, most parents are convinced that they are the only ones that can care for their children selflessly. While that’s partially true, there are millions of other people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to take care of a child like they would their own.
When you’re parenting a special needs child, it’s crucial that you understand when and where to ask for support because truth be told, you’ll need it sometimes. Seeking support doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t be there. On the contrary, you can be there the whole time.
Seeking support is about giving you a break from being hands-on and allowing you to pursue or take up other activities that build and shape you to be a better parent. Support can be:
- Communal – where you get help from people who understand you and what you’re going through like family and friends
- Professional – which includes therapists and coaches who can help you manage your fears, anxieties, and work through challenges you might be facing
- Peer Support – from a group of people who are going or have been through the same journey you are on
Conclusion
Self-care is a must-have for any parent who wants to give the best of themselves to their child. It’s how you regain your strength and raise your vibrations so you’re energized enough to serve in whichever capacity you’re needed and to enjoy your parenting journey.
